Utter fucking loon?

Well it seems yet again I have found another person that finds my brand of normlness too much, and theres one major problem with it, IT WAS MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND, now ex-girlfriend of course. Am I really to crazy for people to even not think of dating, or is it just that my breed is so rare females think I am acting? I swear someone along the way has cursed me cause every time i get into a relationship it seems to crash and burn faster than George W. Bush Jr.s credability. If there is a god why does he hate me so? I mean I haven't done anyone wrong, ok yes I have homocidal thoughts very often but I have never carried them out, if I had I wouldn't be here writing this now would I? Although the thought of commiting myself because of these feelings of homocidal mania have given me thoughts of commiting myslef more than once. Is my insanity really too much too handle for one person or am I just too gentlemanly and romanticaly inclined for my own good? Yes I realize that last comment sounds like I'm tooting my own horn but its the truth. The only females I am usually not nice to are those that deserve it at the time and even then I don't take it too far; also I belive in this little thing everyone calls love. Why must I also be so nice females think of me more as a brother also, I mean come on thats the lamest excuse for not wanting to go out with me ever and you don't know how many times it has been used godamn it, its always either that, they think i'm gay or they think i am a complete loon...well ok on the last one I agree but it just means I make life interesting does it not, doesn't mean I will go out and hurt them? Ok yes I have contemplated burning down their houses and putting sulpuric acid in their eyeballs but give me some credit in the fact I haven't done so even with opportunity, but of course don't tempt me. Oh yeah thinking of going to the scuplting side of art and seeing what i can make with these hands of mine. Ah the weird visions in my mind that will come to life...but anyway I digress and I think I've wasted enough of your precious time here, so I'll leave this here and maybe pick up on this another day. The squid signing out...for now

Insanity or just a different view?

I ahve a question for all you readers out there, what is insanity really? Is it really what everyone seems to say it is or just a different outlook on life? You could say I suffer from insanity, yet if you asked me if I do I would have to tell you I just see the world as it is, is this so wrong for me to do? Is it wrong for me to think all relegions are just power plays to make someone seem almighty? Now before you start saying "oh look another atheist trying to impress his views on people" stop, for I am not trying to do that at all. My question to you if you say thus is if there is a god why would he allow so many to be cast out like me? Because we are sinners? Well people I must tell you the only sin I have commited to your gods is not beliving in them and in the end is that really so bad? Is it really so bad that I think the mass slaughter of the inquisition is so wrong it is a sin in itself? Just because someone does not share your views does not make them a sinner or a heathen, it just makes them different, just like insanity sepreates the few from the many. But is not everyone different, whether that difference be colour creed or even as simple as gender? So why must those labeled who see differently be punished and ridiculed for there views by others. Yes i realise this may seem two faced to those un-observant but I have not said that anyone is wrong for looking for their own answers to life, I actually encourage it and if these answers seem to lie within religion for you I say go for your life trying to find it.

Well I hope I have opened the minds of at least a few of you with this little rant here and hope that a few of you can see between the lines and find solice or even just a slice of meaning from this.

This is the squid with wings signing off yet again.

Contemplations of flying with broken wings

As I reach further and further into my mind this cold evening I keep finding more reasosn for me to smoke and calm myself down. Since the alst blog I have been dwelling on my past and all the pain I have caused others inadvertantly. Is my life cursed or am I just not good at living it.*lights up another smoke*. Should I just remove myself from the coil of life and savemany others the pain of knowing me? These late nights and the lack of my girlfriend must really be getting to me if I am contemplating like this musn't they? Or am I just loosing my mind altogether? The green faerie still plagues my dreams all these nights but only when I am outside of her arms. Each night sleep is just like falling deeper and deeper into a void of emptiness and depression, but my depression isn't like any other, my depression causes an anger to rise within me that I can not control *stubs smoke an lights another* not even my smokes are helping anymore, the only thing that seems to stop me from loosing my mind is the fear of hurting those i love and care for. I guess I'm lucky the ugliness on the inside isn't apparent on the out or I may have never have gotten the one that seems to cure these feelings witihn me.

I suppose I should stop here before I deter you from future rants so I guess I'll just light another smoke and try to make sure these feelings don't manifest themselves again as anger and pain. This is the broken winged poet saying "Live your life your way and live it proud but don't destroy your mind in the process"

The Human Mind

Why do some people try to figure out the mind, is it not a futile attempt in itself to try and understand the mind when you are suing your own to try and unravel it, isn't that just like trying to figure out what a stick is by poking it with another. Man has never invented anything he uses today, everything we know and think we know how it works we don't. I mean how does breathing work the way it does, how can electricity flow through a conduit and into appliances, how can we write sound to a thin line of plastic. Even those who tell you they know this are lying for no-body knows how any of these work really as it is all just a fluke that it was even found to work. For if we knew how any of this worked why would it have taken so many tries to succeed. Now all this brings me back to my starting rant of how can we understand the human mind when we live it, the best we can do is to try and understand it as best we can.
Now before I start to repeat myself and ruin my point I think I'll finish this here with me lighting another nail for my coffin and saying adieos and avoid green faeries the ooze blood from their eyes