As I reach further and further into my mind this cold evening I keep finding more reasosn for me to smoke and calm myself down. Since the alst blog I have been dwelling on my past and all the pain I have caused others inadvertantly. Is my life cursed or am I just not good at living it.*lights up another smoke*. Should I just remove myself from the coil of life and savemany others the pain of knowing me? These late nights and the lack of my girlfriend must really be getting to me if I am contemplating like this musn't they? Or am I just loosing my mind altogether? The green faerie still plagues my dreams all these nights but only when I am outside of her arms. Each night sleep is just like falling deeper and deeper into a void of emptiness and depression, but my depression isn't like any other, my depression causes an anger to rise within me that I can not control *stubs smoke an lights another* not even my smokes are helping anymore, the only thing that seems to stop me from loosing my mind is the fear of hurting those i love and care for. I guess I'm lucky the ugliness on the inside isn't apparent on the out or I may have never have gotten the one that seems to cure these feelings witihn me.
I suppose I should stop here before I deter you from future rants so I guess I'll just light another smoke and try to make sure these feelings don't manifest themselves again as anger and pain. This is the broken winged poet saying "Live your life your way and live it proud but don't destroy your mind in the process"
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